What lies beyond complaints? by Diana Avendaño

I am sure many times you have been in either side, the one complaining or the one receiving the complaint.
What is there beyond the complaint, have you ever stopped to listen what is it? Behind every complaint there is an unfulfilled need. There is a cry for help, for love, for attention. We may not be completely aware of this, so fear, anger and irritability come forward in an attempt to get these need satisfied.
We all have the need for attention and love, to feel important and cared for, but you already know that, these is not something new, however, we fail to catch it in ourselves and others when it happens.
If you look around you will hear children complaining, crying and making tantrums when their parents do not pay attention to them. Be an observer and you will see how clear it is. But to the parents it’s not, they are too involved in it, so they are just annoyed. Same thing with your partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, boss, etc., if you go beyond the complaint you may listen to the real request, most of the time is simply… “Show me you care”.
Are we able to communicate what we want in an assertive way? Are we teaching our children to express their feelings assertively, do we promote it or are we doing the opposite?
Next time you listen to a complain make an effort to go beyond, to let all the noise pass you by and listen to what the other is asking from you. Everything may be settled with a hug, with a look, with a word. When it comes sincerely the other will be happy, will almost immediately stop and forget about the complaint. Also next time you are about to start complaining about something, stop yourself and go inside, take a moment to get in touch with your feelings. Ask yourself what do I need and clarify that in your body and mind in order to ask assertively what you need and want from others.
The quality of our lives is directly relative to the quality of our relationships. If you become a high quality person in how you listen, talk, touch, please, care and love the people around you will soon be surrounded by the same type of people. Isn’t that what we all complain about? People do not appreciate us etc. Let’s be the directors of our lives and make of it a great experience every moment by being aware of what is truly said.

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